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Friday, 24 July 2015

implement or no?

So with being pregnant, then poorly, then removing consent for a few months, it really has meant that Dd is now very different for us.

It's strange as it is like we are starting again on one hand (pub not intended) and then again we are experienced.

He is remembering how to make certain choices, like how hard to spank, with what, and if he even should at all. And I am learning how to submit and to find the courage to let him punish me.

But psychologically we are very experienced. I know what he expects and what I need and expect from him. I don't feel a need to get a reaction from him to ensure he is consistent as we all do in the early days.

His style has changed very much (thank goodness). There was a day when he used all manner of implements. He would try something and if he thought that it worked for him he would get into an implement rut!

No (thankfully) he only uses his hand...don't get me wrong, my 6foot7 man with his size 13 feet and similarly sized hands pack a punch (not actually a punch - perhaps wrong choice of phrase!)

He also told me that he has always spanked in sets of 50! how horrible is that to find out - wish he hadn't have shared.

It is very strange to start again with Dd. Strange as in I guess I now see it from the 'other side' a lot more as I was on that side for a few months.

I completely see that it looks strange from the outside. I no longer feel a need to tell others whereas that was a huge part of me and my need to talk to others.

I am in contact daily with another Dd wife who I met years ago but otherwise I am quite happy to keep it a secret. It's personal and private and I am happy to listen to and submit to my husband but that is very much my choice and I would never suggest that it is suitable for everyone.

Monday, 20 July 2015

Dd of old and Dd now

Isn't it funny how different the Dd community is nowadays.

Back when we started we were following the LDD site which was new! Clint used to comment on ever single comment! I was very active all over the place in the Dd community. Fast forward 5 odd years and It's just what happens.

It does make me laugh when people new to Dd talk about curfews and internet allowances...I remember those days before everything finds it's own way and both of the couple settles into the lifestyle.

I remember really being conflicted between submission and fighting against it.

I wonder what a future of Dd has in stall!

Sunday, 19 July 2015

ARRR. Thank you kind people

It was so nice to hear from some of you.

I am half expecting a backlash from the family though, as no doubt they also signed up to receive my postings.

I am at the point though, where I am not sure I care.

Isn't it funny that years ago, this blog meant so much to me. I had so many hits a day and communication with so many that it was a huge part of my life.

Anyways....what has been happening to me.

A year ago I had baby number three.

I was very poorly after that for a very long time, this put Dd on hold as my husband and I were just floating along trying to cope with the new paradigm of our life.

After what I think may have been 6 years in a Dd marriage, I removed consent. He was devistated. I remember desperately wanting to follow him but at the same time hating the idea.

I had been so poorly for so many months that as I began to recover I felt so thankful to have control of my life again that the last thing that I wanted to do was to follow someone else's rules.

A few months went by, he waited and we fought, we were unhappy and signed up to counselling, Our, previously happy marriage had been torn apart, and I was to blame. Not because of my illness or removal of Dd consent but I had changed entirely.

That was then and now we have put Dd back into our lives. He was so happy when I finally made up my mind. It was strange getting back into it but we are now in full flow, as if nothing had changed.

It has taken him a while to readjust too. Almost like the old days when we were new to it. It took him a while to be consistent and me a while to be submissive.

Life with three tinies is challenging and exhausting! After almost six years of primarily being a stay at home Mum, I have realised that I need a career and to get stuck into something that I am passionate about. After a very long and competitive selection process I, along with 70 others out of 900, have been picked to start training as a midwife. I am so excited. It is going to be fabulous to support women the way midwives have supported me over the years.

So that's me.

It has been a challenging past 12 months but the next 12 are set to be much better!

Wednesday, 17 June 2015

Is anyone reading this?

Hello to anyone who has signed up to receive my blog posts.

I haven't posted for a very long time.

I took my blog offline some time ago and here's why.

I have a very difficult family dynamic, 'family' as in aunts etc.

One of these aunts who really doesn't like me is very unkind. She found my blog after my sister found it.

My sister, who I love dearly, found out about my blog some time ago. My mother, who I am not in contact with, went through my sister's web history, found my blog and hey presto!

This aunt of mine wrote a comment on my blog and that is how I found out she had found it.

She is poisonous and unkind to say the least. She has made many people unhappy over the years.

I expect she too is reading this and so I may need to change my address so that she can't see my posts. Any how I wanted to say hello to the many people who used to read my blog.

I really miss talking to others in the DD/TIH community.

Drop by some time.


Sunday, 10 August 2014

Bye bye Redbootywoman

It is sad to discover that RedBootyWoman wasn't who she claimed to be. Very sad.

It feels like a death in the Dd community.

I know a few people I have met and conversed with are very shocked to discover the truth.

I talked to her a lot on the LDD network years ago and really enjoyed her blog.

She was clearly very good at creating this life of hers.

The whole incident shook me. As it did other Dd couples that I know.

It made me reassess other blogs and other parts of the community as well as other friend's.

A friend and I even, for a time, stopped texting, our spouses were worried that we too weren't who we said we were.

It is remarkable how far reaching this lie stretched, but very very sad.

RedBootyWoman, Christina, I am sorry that you don't have the life you described. I am sorry that you don't know what it is to be happily married and a monther of so many children. I hope whoever you are and whatever you do, that you are happy. I imagine you must miss the community that you spent so many years at the heart of - quite remarkable really considering you have never been over a man's knee.

Sunday, 27 July 2014

Goodbye spank free holiday

I have recently had a baby. 12 months ago I had a baby. That means that there was only three months between my pregnancies. That in turn means that I haven't been spanked very much in 18 months!

Due to medical reasons I won't be having any more babies, having had three weeks with three small children I am not sure I could do anyway.

In an hour my darling man gets home and this 'spank free holliday' is over! It has been fun but never again will I be clear of my husband's twitchy palms!

He has been very keen to get back on the spanking band wagon. He says that our relationship doesn't run as smoothly without him being able to threaten to put me over his knee.

Since it became clear that I was healed from labour (about day 3 post partumn - damn my amazing body), he informed me that we were 'back to normal'.

On Friday I stuck my Vs up at him behind his back, infront of my extended family and children, promoting a laugh from my Dad's girlfriend. I feel terrible about it. It was unkind and disrespectful, not to mention a terrible example to set for our children.

And so, within the hour, when he gets back from work, the inevitable will happen!

My memory is a little hazy, am I right in saying a spanking is like a gentle cuddle on a warm sumner's day? Help me out ladies, I think my memory is correct...

Wednesday, 23 July 2014

DD blog land, not always as it seems

Two and a half years ago I started this blog.

I was in a different place then and so was my husband.

We had dabbled with Dd for 2 years or so and were still really finding our feet.

At the time I was very much involved in the online Dd community and was rather obsessed with reading blogs and interacting with other people.  I found it really hard to live a life that was private. I wanted my friends to know. I wanted to meet others. I wanted to be able to be open about it and not worry that my husband would be judged.

Now, a few years down the line Dd no longer defines us. I remember reading a post by redbootywoman. She said that Dd didn't define her it was just something she and her husband did.

That is the same with us. It's no more newsworthy than how we do our food shopping or mow the lawn, it's just us and how we live.

But back in the day I was obsessed with writing this blog and gaining readers. I wrote it in a way that I had learnt from reading other people's.

Now the earlier posts slightly embarrass me. I have gone through and edited a lot of them, so that they more correctly represent us now in Dd.

We also didn't live our own Dd journey. I think I was concerned about doing it 'the right way' instead of allowing my husband to find his own path. I would send him links and show him articles and so we ended up copying a framework of punishments and implements that really didn't suit us.

It seems so strange to think about it now. It was almost like we were living in a strange world, acting out a play even? We were trying to be something we weren't.

I also didn't blog in the early days about how difficult it was sometimes. About the reality of DD and the struggle of me giving up any dominant tendencies. I was more obsessed with blogging in the same way as I had read.

I wish in the early days someone had told me, 'Dd is your own path and you have to do it how it suits you'.
'don't copy other people's example, don't compare yourselves, don't pressure yourself that you aren't doing things in the same way as other people'.

Just like all aspects of our relationship it needs to grow and flourish on it's own and it will soon become the norm, just as it has for my husband and I. I don't need to try and be submissive anymore, it is just normal.

Also it's important to realise that blogs that we read aren't necessarily the true picture of an entire relationship, it is just the picture that the blog writer wants you to see. Don't try and emulate that picture, the chances are that it isn't an accurate one anyway.

Just a thought.